But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
