the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
