Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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