you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
