MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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