first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
