planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
