Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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