I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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