It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
