The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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