Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
