kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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