Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
