I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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