is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
