it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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