whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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