she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
