My hand turned me down
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
