Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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