I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
