you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is wine microwaveable?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
