Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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