Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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