Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
