dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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