I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
