$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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