I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
