My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
