The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
