So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
