I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
