my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
