If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
