I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize