So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
