So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
