dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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