She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
