This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
