What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
