I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
