if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
