at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
