the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
