There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
