I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
