I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
