She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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