Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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