I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
