just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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