His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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