do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
