Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Holy sore nipples Batman
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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