I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dicks are not precious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
