i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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