Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
