capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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