Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
