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I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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