I think my fart just growled at me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.