is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
