I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.