I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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