I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend