They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
