and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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