3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
