Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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