I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
