Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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