The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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