can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
